I absolutely adore Porsches and consider them one of best Marques on the planet for performance, aesthetic appeal and usability.  Ferraris and Lambo’s obviously look the business but come on, in today’s speed bump strewn roads, you’re only going to incur and constant stream of expense bills that will soon make you regret owning one. Having a Ferrari in a hot, speed bump free country with palm trees and hunnies is a totally different issue, and in these settings it’s low Lambo’s all day.

I had the opportunity to have a Porsche Cayenne this weekend and take it from Rochdale to Birmingham, and I would like to say that it was practically a horror story from the moment I starting fuelling up. 6 minutes later I was still fuelling up as the cages rattled past £130.

Inside, the cayenne is a very pleasant place to be, a bit sparse but never the less pleasant. Great quality seats, and a very good sound system. I have owned a range rover sport in the past and I have to admit that ride quality was far superior in the Rangey and you got a genuine feel that you were driving something built to last. In the porker I was constantly looking at the fuel cage and literally watching it tick down. It was pretty quick too but you daren’t waste the fuel. Handling was okay but a bit on the wobbly side and pulling away from a standstill was strange as the cayenne didn’t seem to know how to move gently and always lurched as the gears engaged.

On top of watching my money bleed out of the tank, I nearly killed a little kid who ran out in the road and thankfully escaped with a small graze and I survived a heart attack. This emergency brake did knock something out of sync with the Porsche as the electrics started playing up and both my indicator lights refused to go out, a second emergency stop seemed to correct that glitch.

At this point I was feeling very anxious to hand the keys to this beast back. I managed to make it back to Rochdale on the same tank of fuel with a quarter tank to spare but I did conduct most of my journey at 40 mph. After handing the car back to its owner I jumped in to my Suzuki swift and I honestly absolutely have to admit, it felt amazing starting up that lively little motor and going home.

I know it’s a Porsche and it’s supposed to be an awesome machine, but if I was to choose between a Cayenne and a Suzuki Swift, the Swift would win hands down as the ‘better’ car. The Suzuki swift is a great all round car; great on fuel, excellent to drive and on B roads you can actually have some fun.

Well built, affordable and great fun, I’ll take my Suzuki Swift over a Porsche Cayenne. The Cayenne is just too thirsty and as subtle as mount Everest.